My Story – Part 5


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This is part 5 of the “My Story” series.

Now don’t get me wrong, I will tell you now, that the Bible and God does not condemn a person because they are homosexual. That is definitely not right. God does not condemn people because of who they are attracted to. The tricky part is how God sees same-sex relationships and marriage. That is the unanswered or controversial question. Most people think they categorically know the answer without even thinking about it!

For me, I find it hard to believe that if God condemns same-sex relationships (and by that I mean loving, monogamous, committed, long term relationships) and marriage, that my only options are celibacy and marrying a man. Like I said above, I am not opposed to marrying a man… as long as he truly is the love of my life and meets all the criteria for someone I can honestly commit to for the rest of my life. And I don’t intend waiting around until I am a hundred and fifty before he comes along either! Celibacy is seriously pushing it. I believe that is a very rare gift. And remember, if we’re talking about a life partner, not simply sex, then this is a major issue, way beyond physical urges and needs!

There’s another option which I think is very rare, though possibly very popular conceptually. That is to be in a committed celibate relationship. This takes care of the loneliness aspect, and gives you all the benefits of sharing your life with someone. The problem with this is that a) I think most people would not believe you’re celibate, even if you have separate bedrooms, b) I think it is extremely hard to live up to such a commitment (I am sure I would have many “slips” and find myself constantly repenting), and c) what if one of you changed their view, and decided sex between two people of the same sex within the context of a committed and loving long term relationship was right, and the other didn’t? This option, while it sounds like a great solution to LGBT Christians in many ways, to me actually makes things worse. If you believe same-gender sex is wrong in the context of a pure marriage (or committed loving monogamous relationship), then why put yourself into a scenario bound to heighten temptation? Again, I think this might be a very rare gift to some. And please don’t get me wrong here! In my questioning of the various options, I am judging no-one who is actually living in any of those options. I am discussing me. In fact, people who choose celibacy (either single or in a relationship) have a lot of respect from me, because it cannot be an easy road.

So where am I at right now? Well, I am currently single, and I am in a very good place, but I am not built to be alone. I am no longer a member or attendee of the church I was a part of, and I have lost many people I thought were real friends. I have had some really good times and some really bad times in relationships. I have met some amazing people I can truly say are real friends. It has all been part of the vitally important process of me coming to the place I am at now. I have come to the point in life where I know myself really well, and I like myself. I have achieved a lot in life so far, but for me these things are meaningless without someone to share it with. I am built to love and to be loved. I want a family. I am ready now more than ever, because I have found peace with myself. I believe that there is someone out there for me. God knows the desires of my heart, and I have to trust and believe that He will bring the best person for me to me, male or female.

I am bound to elaborate on many of these thoughts and processes over the next while, and I will post my thoughts down as I go. From time to time I may post things that are “pro-gay”, or “pro-celibacy”, or somewhere in between. I do not want to force my opinion down anyone else’s throat however. The purpose of me sharing my story is to encourage others on this road, provoke thought in those who don’t, and ultimately glorify God in my life.

And at the end of the day, the biggest thing is that no-one should judge. We all fall short. God knows my heart and the fact that I have always, and will always try to the best of my ability to live a life pleasing to Him. He knows how hard I have struggled with this issue. He knows how much I search for the truth in it. He knows exactly how I am built, and what my future holds. He knows that I love Him, and I know that He loves me. I am His child, and nothing can separate me from His love… nothing!