My Story – Part 4

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So, what now?! Have I fully reconciled these two realities of mine? Well… I don’t know whether I will ever fully be able to reconcile them. The reality is that I have spent countless hours researching this topic. I am a very logical person. I like to understand things from all angles before I can make a decision on something. I am a problem solver. When there is a problem to solve, or a relational conflict, or something that has more than 1 story to it, I always try to put aside my own feelings and opinion on it, and first look at all angles, in order to come to what I believe to be the best solution. This helps me to be become a better person, growing and learning on this journey of life.

For example (to digress briefly), when I feel hurt or offended by someone else, I always try to understand their point of view, or potential motivations behind their actions. Sure, I don’t always get it right, but often I can then see where possibly I have played a part in it, and that provides me with an opportunity to grow. I am not one who likes conflict at all. But when faced with it, I try to humbly work through it. I do not hold grudges. I always try to forgive. I rarely get offended or angry to the point of losing friendships.

So how does this impact on my “problem” of needing to reconcile my faith, which is at the very core of who I am, and my sexuality, which is also a major player in the game of life? To digress again if I may 😉 …I find that because the world we live in has completely destroyed the true meaning of sex and sexuality, that terms such as sexuality and sexual orientation are often misunderstood by the majority of people. Sex has become a meaningless, cheap, casual, competition and marketing number 1, as oppose to what it should be – the deepest most intense expression of love for the one special person that finds that place in your life. Don’t get me wrong.. I’m all for the fun side of sex… but not the lustful, casual, promiscuous, perverse, cheap, one night stand, or notch in the belt kind of sex. So using terms such as sexuality and sexual orientation to describe who I am has many faults… because being gay is not just about sex… and in fact, I don’t actually think it is the primary driver behind one’s orientation in many cases. Maybe this is easier said for women than men, but then I’d be generalising again! The point I am trying to make here, is that while I can allow myself to make objects out of people (both men and women), and find certain people to be extremely physically appealing, my orientation has more to do with an emotional, intellectual, spiritual, soul connection with another person, so deep that the body can’t help but get involved too! In my case, I get on extremely well with loads of guys… but generally only on an intellectual and platonic level. Women on the other hand… well! 🙂

Right, so now that I have clarified that, back to the point! In order for me to reconcile my faith and orientation, I need to study both sides of the story. Many believe the Bible condemns homosexuality (or a better description here would be same-gender sex), and many do not. I am not going to go into all of the details of this discussion here, but if this is your battle too, then please Contact me, and I will point you to some very useful and interesting resources. The point is that I do not believe I can simply go with whatever fits me right. I want to know for sure what God says. Both interpretations of the Bible have very valid points that cannot be ignored. The problem with this debate, is that I doubt it will ever end. And… for each person that finds themselves in this battle, it is important to realise, that you need to find your own peace with God. No-one else can give that to you, no matter what they say. You’ll learn to recognise exactly what someone will say based on their personal belief and experience. If you want to be accepted, and believe that the Bible does NOT condemn homosexuality, then you simply surround yourself with like-minded people, and you’ll feel fine. For me… I want to find my peace, regardless of what anyone else says or believes, because at the end of the day, I stand before my Father, Creator, and Saviour, and account for my life.

Read part 5…